How do You Say Goodbye?

A final visit with mom.

Having fallen and injured her hip simply walking out to the mailbox, my eighty-six-year-old mom was in a rehabilitation facility in Northcentral Ohio. Mom was already living with my sister at the time, so my sister was able to visit the facility every day and keep everyone updated on mom’s progress.

My sister and brother-in-law had months ago booked a vacation out of the country, not ever thinking mom would fall and injure her hip. But based on mom’s continued improvement they decided to go on vacation as scheduled. As I was planning to visit anyway, I committed to house sit for about ten days and spend time with mom while they were gone.

At the time, I lived in Seattle and didn’t get to see mom very often anyway, so I looked forward to this opportunity to spend a good amount of time alone with her.

Time with mom…

When I walked into mom’s room, she was surprised and very happy to see me even though I had told her numerous time I was coming. I soon learned the dementia, diagnosed some time ago, was progressing more quickly than I realized. I was also told her congestive heart failure was worsening.

Because she no longer had a clear linear view of time, the staff suggested I write my name on a whiteboard in her room followed by how many days I would be staying. I could then change the number each day until it was time for me to return home. This had worked well with other patients, they said. Sounded like a plan.

Mom liked the idea of seeing “9 Days” written on the whiteboard. She said nine days seemed like a long time. This would give us a lot of time to “visit,” as she called it. Plus, I told her I would be there from breakfast until after dinner each day. We would have plenty of time to talk because she wasn’t much interested in TV anymore. She no longer had the attention span to follow the plot of even a thirty-minute sitcom.

Knowing she had always loved gospel quartet music; I brought a blue tooth speaker and surprised her by streamed songs I knew she liked. She thought having so many songs available at the push of a button was a miracle. Listening to her “gospel songs” became part of our everyday routine and she would sing along, surprising me by knowing every word by heart…

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