You are Home.

People who are far away from their home are the ones who are often asked questions about home. As someone who has lived in two countries and six cities, I am often on the receiving end of such questions.

“Do you miss home?”

“When was the last time you were back?”

“How do you make friends when you don’t know anyone?”

It took me being away from home to realize what “being home” means. My definition of home before I left Istanbul with a one-way ticket to the US differs greatly from how I think of home now. Arriving in Baltimore during the summer of 2011, I was an excited college freshman ready to start a new chapter. As soon as the newness of my adventure wore off, however, I began to experience a new form of anxiety called homesickness.

Halfway through my first semester, I questioned the bold choices I made moving to my new residence. As an only child coming from a close-knit family, I was discovering what it meant to be on my own for the first time. While I had been away from my family before traveling for swim meets and summer schools, I realized that one-way tickets don’t come with the invisible safety net of round-trip tickets.

Homesickness is the void you feel when you are removed from the comfort of your home. From studying abroad to living and working abroad, I had various opportunities that took me outside my comfort zone, challenged me, and made me discover new parts of myself in-depth. I’d describe it like a video game, where each time you unlock a new chapter you find a new piece of the puzzle. Initially, the pieces alone don’t make much sense; you think to yourself, “What will this even amount to?”, but over time you see the connections between each piece and how they come together to fill the void you once felt.

Every move I made to a new city distilled the idea of “home” more. Moving is generally a hassle, and a physical move outside your comfort zone comes with additional challenges due to being far from family, friends and familiarity. While initially a very painful process, in the long run, stepping outside of your comfort zone is rewarding and educating. Whenever I moved, I was motivated by academics or career growth, and I trusted the rest of the challenges to be sorted out over time — and they were. However, feeling like I was “at home” in a new place took time, much like needing a strong foundation before building a house from the ground up.

I learned that home doesn’t always have to be where you are from, nor does it have to be a person, but it can also be a feeling you learn to create within you. There isn’t anything wrong with finding home in non-self spaces, although it is usually inevitable that we will eventually part ways with a person or place. Realizing that home is within your own flesh, mind and soul all along is sustainable and cathartic; you can recreate home and easily transport it with you to your next destination. When you learn to feel at home within yourself, you get better at recognizing the authentic pieces of it in other people and experiences.

Your idea of home can also evolve over time: life experiences tend to change people’s minds — even the most closely held beliefs might be reconsidered after a person experiences certain highs and lows over the years. On a more day-to-day level, a hobby that once brought you joy might not feel the same later in life, and you might eventually be inclined toward different activities. This perspective made me shift from a melancholic “home left behind” mentality to a more freeing “home grows with you” attitude.

I see glimpses of home in a cup of coffee I drink unconventionally at any time of the day, a walk by the park talking to my family, car rides to cozy neighborhoods, an afternoon spent listening to jazz, and talking to someone who shares my sense of humor. While the home you once knew might feel out of reach, you can slowly recreate it and find that it’s OK that it looks a little different. You will likely find the building bricks of your home in your trivial daily routines, feelings of familiarity and connections you forge within your community. It’s in your power to construct it.

To me, being home is a mindset. In a metaphorical sense, it’s where I like to return to after a long “trip”. I moved to Philadelphia in March 2020 to start my current role a few days before the COVID lockdown was announced, pushing me deeper into my head in a city I hadn’t gotten a chance to feel at home yet. Do I feel at home in Philadelphia now? I sometimes do, but it’s a fleeting feeling, and it needs to be reset frequently. When I get homesick, I look inward and tune into what will bring me peace, which helps me identify the right activities to ‘come back’ home.

Go out, explore and take on new adventures fearlessly. Homesickness has a cure, and it’s within you.

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